OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
