So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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