i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
