I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
