Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
