hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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