idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
