I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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