i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
