Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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