2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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