My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
