That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
