what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm getting married
To pizza
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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