i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
