My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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