Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You pole danced in your parka.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
