I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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