i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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