So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this boner is exhausting
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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