I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
