you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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