I'm eating all of the evidence.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
