Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
