Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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