He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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