i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
