This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
