Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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