just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
