Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
