Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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