it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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