I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
