Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
