my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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