I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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