Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
