I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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