what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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