his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I die, sorry about rent.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
