I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
