watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
