Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
