Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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