i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
