I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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