She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
