No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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