I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
whose parrot is this?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
