how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
