So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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