areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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