I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
worst night to have a conscience
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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