I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
