I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
