how can u be prego again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were trust falling into bushes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
