well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
