She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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