So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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