Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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