I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
