dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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