It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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